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User blog:GravityMan/Literature vs History 8: Golden Ticket Extravaganza
Hey dudes! Welcome to the midseason finale of Literature vs History! Today we got the reknown chocolate maker Willy Wonka facing off against three of the world's evilest test makers, all connected through their complicated traps and systems and dealings with children. From the Maze Runner's sadistic antagonist Assistant Director Janson to Saw's infamous Jigsaw Killer to the insane Nazi doctor Josef Mengele, how can Wonka fare against them? Thanks to Kung (technically BranFu) for his guest, Leandro for the cover, and Legion for proofreading <3 Also, congrats to Hawk for "guessing" it all correct with outside help >:D Rapper Colors Willy Wonka is this color Josef Mengele is this color Janson is this color Jigsaw is this color Billy the Puppet Beat Willy Wonka Remix Starts at 0:27 Lyrics Willy Wonka: Oh welcome to my factory! I’m glad to see you all accept my invitation! Summoned by a golden ticket hidden within my scrumptious creations All of you are connected by the sins that you have taken on the populace, Hiding in facilities performing horrific cruelties that if forgotten would be bliss! Josef Mengele: Horrific? It was for science! Are you defiant towards medical advancement For the master race of lions who will once again claim this soiled planet? Like your father to your happiness, to your movie Burton showed no mercy If you wanted a Kiss on the cheek, why aren’t you battling Hershey? (Oh!) Janson: Mr. Wonka, if that is your name, please try to understand, You have the mind of a child, games not fit for a man No one understands my plan, but it involves this golden ticket, And the brain scans of depression when I tell you where to stick it! (Brilliant!) Billy the Puppet: Hello Willy. For the game I have devised, you have no right to talk You’ve been served by the pounding, now you’re just a velvet cakewalk, You rot childhoods, obesity is now synonymous with your name Your reboot was the key to your fame, but it ended up down the drain (Ha!) Willy Wonka: Whoa, hold up a minute, wait! I haven’t yet explained, You’re gonna love this Billy, Willy’s made another fun game! You see, I’m getting old, growing bold to see the world again, So I wish to give my company and its millions to one of you men I binged your works in my spare time and I admit I’m impressed! Enough to give my life’s work to one of you and still have an easy rest! But how do you win? Simple! You best the other two in rap! So can I sit back and relax? Or can I expect a diss to come back? Josef Mengele: Hmmmmm…. You two! You both started this race inferior then took a turn to the left, Your verses were weak! Taken under the wing, of the Angel of Death! I dyed the eyes of Germany to see a brighter future for the Fuhrer! While Jigsaw controls his puppet the same way cancer did his pooper And to the one who resembles a Jew, of who I have prepared a lyrical sedation The monsters I stitched together are still a better job than your adaptation After all these brutal cuts you’ll wonder “What can he do to me next?” Well I shall strap this clown down; I have some ill raps to inject *Mengele pulls out a syringe, advancing on Jigsaw, only to drop it as a dark metal spike slices into him from beneath, cutting clean through his stomach. He drops the syringe, staring at the spike dumbly before turning his head to look at the mechanical creature it belonged to. Janson smiles at the slowly dying Mengele, fiddling with the remote that controlled the Griever (the creature that stabbed Mengele)* Janson: Ill raps? I have the cure, don’t be so sure, be insecure! Compared to my work, yours is as surgical as a manicure! You may ask, why you’re not being contacted by my superior, That being, I am paid by Paige to control these children like bacteria! Mengele’s research never went anywhere, though they came from a train car, It appears a golden ticket to an ass kicking lay within MY bars! And while I mean you harm, my actions are still misunderstood, Because when it comes to rap; WICKED, is good *While Janson is rapping Jigsaw grabs the fallen syringe and jams it into Janson’s neck, emptying the contents inside him, before returning to his seat, Janson stumbling to his knees, choking, face slowly turning purple* Jigsaw: Hello. You don’t know me. But I know you. And WICKED, in fact, is too good to be true. It appears mankind’s impending death has caused you to act, wrongly against children, your experiments sadistic and rash You follow orders, rely on soldiers, lacking both brains and brawn You know your plot sucks when Wikipedia can’t explain what’s going on Now the sins of the idiot who abandoned reason faster than he did his own men And flew the coop to Argentina because he heard they served more guinea pigs I have the perfect puzzle for you, how is that I Jig-saw I won? Do you still want to play this game Sure! Wait, what *Willy Wonka turns pixelated, glitches for a seconds, and then fades out. The room darkens as another figure is created, being put together by millions and millions of pixels to form the realistic hologram of James Halliday, from the book, Ready Player One* James Halliday: I hope this skin doesn’t throw you off, Player One’s Ready as ever I held this contest, but you all failed to prove who was most clever Mock Check the Almanac, I’m ballin’, in fact, I’ll even clue you in: Wisdom, honor, and humility are the only way to win Rat Man, you had your Gladers Running Mazes while the Gunters were Running Blades The Jade Gate proves that even I was just looking to escape Josef,I like twins like the next guy, I mean, Daisho were pretty radical But what you did to all those kids, it’s sickening, did you have to bro? You’re not off the hook, John, you’re just as bad as the rest Your delivery is dead, so you replaced him with a puppet! A child’s life is so precious, yet you’ve all grown old and bitter I just fired my non-canon cannon through this cliche of Sixers *The hologram vanishes, the lights going out, locks heard clicking in the distance, leaving all three to slowly die in the abandoned factory* Uh....WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE LITERATURE VS *is sucked up the chocolate pipe* historyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ' ' Poll Who Won? Willy Wonka Josef Mengele Assistant Director Janson Jigsaw James Halliday Scrapped Lyrics Willy Wonka: Come with me...Mister Hershey….and you’ll see, a world of pain and- “Mister; Wonka; pardon me-dee. But you are not part of a great suggestion.” Wait, he’s not Milton? “Just another plump chump with a crummy mustache!” Joseph Mengele: I’m not the first doctor to abuse and be the daddy of this chocolate log The monsters I stitched together are still a better job than your film’s dialogue You piss on me for being racist, yet you kidnapped some orange slaves! Only sick in the brain, left millions employed, why? Are you insane? Does this plaid parody scare me? I gassed pedophiles by the thousands Tumble your bubble gum bubbles with such rumble, you dump a Fudge Mountain! The mic’s the Reich’s by right, while you let a stranger have your life, Kidnapping Charlie’s family since you never had one as a tyke! Hint for the Premiere of LvH 1.5 Hint for the Premiere of MBOHS 2.5 Kung was Halliday btw Category:Blog posts